Men- do they love us?

Do men love us?

virgin suicidesIt has come to my attention that the root of so much pain in the world is not feeling loved. We are like cars that run on tanks of love. We are love tanks. We whither up and die without love. The very atoms that make up the world are composed of love, like the ocean that is composed of water. So to feel cut off from love, is for each of us, to be cut off from the source of all things, from life itself.

Men provide a unique problem for women because we need their love. The feminine needs to be embraced by the masculine, and vice versa. This is nature. When the feminine is cut off from the masculine, as we see in the film “The Virgin Suicides” the women self-destruct. As I was watching this film, I was so aware of how much men love women. The men in this film know no greater love than what they feel for these women, yet they are completely unable to express it with words or actions. The few moments they do, leave the women hungry for more of this life-giving substance, of which the men’s fears, insecurities and confusions make them unable to provide.

Men do love women. Yes, they do. But at this time in history, like a sick plant that is unable to bear fruit, men are in a very unhealthy place. Masculinity has become something stoic, hard, wounded and retreating. The expressive, giving, adoring men, the Romeo’s, the Jacob’s, the Antony’s are difficult to find. While men love us, they struggle to communicate it, they fear to express it, and they take our love while not giving sufficiently in return. David Deida says this in his book “The Way of the Superior Man”: “The next time your woman is in a bad mood, try this: assume she is not feeling loved.” He also says, “No matter what your woman says or does, give her love.” Love really is the food, the medicine, the life source we are all looking for.

Until the masculine heals and remembers how to love, or until we meet menwho are capable of sharing with us the love that we share with them, I find that we must remember three things:

  1. Men love us. They have always loved us. They find nothing more beautiful, more magical, more insanely and consumingly magnificent than our presence, our bodies, our sexuality, our sensuality, and our femininity. They love the unique and special people that each of us are. They love what we bring to the world.
  2. Men will not always show their love in the way that we’d hope. Yes, they will at times, and some men are much more evolved than others, but there will always come disappointments. So accept that they are struggling with beingmen. That for all the struggles we have as women, men have it more difficult. They are tied up in knots that may take generations to untie.
  3. When men don’t show up for us, remember that they still love us. You can feel disappointed in their actions, but you do not have to conclude that you are not loved. We are loved. Father Sky loves us. Father God loves us. Our brothers love us. The men on the street love us. The masculine within everything is loving us right now. This love is everywhere for us. And our femininity, our sexuality, and our giving and receiving of love is not waiting on them being ready to receive it or to give it back.

You are so loved. No matter what anyone does or doesn’t do, you are not loved any less. You must separate their actions, their failures, their shortcomings from the truth. Men love you. You are loved.

to vibrant masculine love, and the love that lives inside of you,

Lauren Brim
Sexual and spiritual coaching

About the author

Lauren Brim, Ph.D is a doctor of human sexuality, sex coach and author of The New Rules of Sex, The New American Family, The New Rules of Sex Workbook, and Your Boyfriend's Hooker. She provides sexual health and coaching resources for women wanting to create the life or love life that they desire at Lauren has worked in the healing arts for over a decade and began to specialize in women's health after training to be a midwife. She is also the founder at She lives in Los Angeles with her daughter.

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